things took a turn

My energy the last few days can best be described as … the ocean.

Unpredictable. Harsh. Calm. Soft. Gentle. Wild. Scary.

There isn’t one emotion I haven’t felt, and here within is the journey of heading South.

As I started leaving the Canadian Rockies I had a bit of an emotional crisis. My whole body stopped me. I U-Turned my van around and found one more spot to keep these ancient, pointed stones still in my horizon. A pristine valley (the environment that I am best in according to my HD) trying to take some time to process what is going on in my life.

We all can find meaning in creative avenues : these avenues are a channel for transmuting agitation, an expression of our soul, and life force energy in tangible form. This blog and my writing is one form of a creative avenue, fueled by Gemini season and some new black tea I found as I have yet to get back on coffee.

But, in no means do I only wish to share the good, for the hard is where life happens. If I was to pretend I’ve hit some enlightened state that makes me impervious to hard days, I would be a liar. It is true that the seeking of enlightenment prevents us from obtaining it, and it is the avoidance of sadness, anger, and fear that prevents us from our power.

My moods were causing shipwreck after shipwreck, and I let every ship break.

This is the adventure of life : not knowing why or where, but trusting the unfolding so strongly that eventually any anxiety or fear dissipates.

“Can you trust more?” I hear in a whisper.

It didn’t take many miles turning south before I got pulled over by a Canadian cop.

My energy was so wildly disoriented that I found the next easy spot to pull over, rolled a damiana herbal smoke, and recalibrated.

That is what is on my heart most to share : the recalibration. The re-centering. The re-adjustment when so clearly my frequency is off, and some sort of darkness feels heavier than I can handle.

As I mentioned in a recent writing, slowing down and taking my time (especially when one cuts out coffee LOL) can sometimes feel a bit like depression.

If you are a DO-er, or are full of elemental fire, an Enneagram 7 … or just are someone who likes to move quick and fast… you might relate.

And we always have that moment where the feelings, whether they be depression or sadness or grief or anxiety, can barrel us within the tides.

To live in a van and to be so present with the moment is to be vividly aware that life & everything in it is such a mirror:

the anger I encounter is a reflection of my own,
as is the joy and peace I find.

SO, when it all starts to get a little "squirrely”
(like getting pulled over by a cop and it bringing up so much anger and frustration about why this had to happen to me …)

I dig deep deep deep

and the three steps below begin.

Step one: radical accountability.

Let’s use this Canadian speeding ticket as an example. Do I have a million excuses for why I was speeding? Absolutely. Griff was overheating, I was anxious to get to a stopping point, my body hurt, BUT…

Yes, I was speeding. No, I was not focused on the present moment. Yes, I could have improved my driving skills. This is on me = radical responsibility. I deserved to get pulled over.

Step two: decide and declare.

Energy is everything, everything is energy. While there really isn’t “good” or “bad”, there are frequencies that are higher or lower, and we absolutely choose the frequencies we let in and let out.

So, while there are times that we have “lower frequencies” around us by way of other people or circumstances, ultimately the ONLY way those frequencies can be let in is if we let it!

I DECIDE that anything lower frequency is a mirror of something inside me. Instead of rejecting it or pushing it away, I deeply LOVE it… no matter what. Love and acceptance allows this lower frequency to transform.

Then… I DECLARE that all I have allowed to attach to my energy field but is not in my highest good is no longer allowed. Simple as that.

”Thank you for your lessons, you must leave and not return.”

Step three: ask & receive support.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This is my biggest lesson and learning - to remember everything has my back. I can ask my higher self, my guides, the plants, the animals, the lake I just jumped into, the people around me, a therapist, a healer, a friend…

I ask for help to understand what is happening, help to move me through the moment, and help to integrate the lesson I am facing with all the love I can find.

When I open up and allow for this assistance - and to not have any negative feelings about the support I do receive, I am showing I TRUST. I trust that I will move through anything I need in perfect timing with all these beautiful tools at my fingertips…

and I trust that I am a beautiful, wild ocean

living such a human experience.

<3

All my love.

xx,

em